Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.

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(416): View more from Ontario

I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her

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(864): View more from South Carolina

he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.

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(818): View more from California

I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?

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(318): View more from Louisiana

He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class

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(989): View more from Michigan

8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.

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(684): View more from American Samoa

Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.

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