i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
