booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
