I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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