Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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