Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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