Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
