So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
