theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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