it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
