Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
