so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
