I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
