If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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