So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
