**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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