ya dads aren't the best wingmen
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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