if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
