oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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