I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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