"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
