My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
