How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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