3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
