Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
