she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
