Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
