my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
