He is such a slut. More and more my type.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
