He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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