i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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