I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
