Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
