I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
