when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
