On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
