ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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