I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
