Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
