Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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