Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
cat food counts as protein by the way
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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