I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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