And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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