You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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