I am full of burrito and curiosity
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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