There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
