Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
