How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
