You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Randomize
