Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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